I’ve been watching Danny Phantom and I get it. I get it now.
This show loves to make some offhanded comment, not a hint of consideration or concern in its tone, and just moves on without addressing it like that wasn’t the most creatively horrific concept this side of Nickelodeon. Shit makes up wackass lore on the spot and then disregards it immediately after, asks fascinating questions then looks at you funny when you try to answer them.
I now fully understand how this show has legions of fans dedicated to taking this somewhat mid cartoon and running so far with the implications of the premise they created an entirely different show that’s so much more interesting I’m upset it’s not real.
So I’m leaving work and something darts in front of me, maybe 10ft away, too fast for me to see what it is. Peek around the tree blocking my path and I see this
Just like… a whole ass hawk. Dude’s gotta be about 1.5ft tall. Massive fucking bird. And it’s just staring me straight in my soul like this, even as I try to move ahead. It didn’t budge. And there’s only this path back to my car unless I want to walk on a busy highway. So I have the option of Death By Raptor or Death By Truck.
So I walk in the poison ivy filled patch off the sidewalk. Guy still isn’t moving. Still staring me directly in the eyes. And I do this thing when animals are behaving strangely where I’ll talk to them, so I’m just like, “Hey, man. I don’t know you. You don’t know me. This feels really threatening. I’m just trying to get to my car, dude. Can I get some space please? You’re a big fucking bird. I see those claws. You could kill me right now, but I’d appreciate if you didn’t, ok?”
It didn’t move until I was about 2ft away. Again: I’m as far from it as I can be without walking into the street. It clearly wasn’t going to budge. I walk past, thing flies up (silent, btw. Scary) and lands on a brick wall a little further ahead
Anyway. Weird guy. Nearly shit my pants when I noticed a bird big enough to carry off a fully grown cat was just… there, staring me in the face, unwilling to move away from me, a human, something it should see as a threat. I watched behind me the whole rest of the way to my car, just in case this bird decided to help me shed this mortal coil. 10/10 experience. Super cool guy.
This is so funny because that’s a freshly-fledged juvenile red tailed hawk.
It didn’t leave simply because it didn’t really know the giant gorilla thing walking towards it was a threat. You were menaced by what amounts to a teenager who just passed their driving test just chilling under a tree.
This thing weighs all of 1 pound and barely knows it’s a bird.
the bird got a nat20 on intimidation from a die it knocked off the desk
You keep making jokes like “teehee as a family abolitionist I just want children to die in the woods” but like… that actually is what happened to kids before the invention of the family. There actually is no alternative
casveman in 40,000 BC after letting the fifth baby crawl off into the woods alone: hmm . maybe we should come up with another way to do this i dont think the first four are coming back
the idea of a prehistoric society with a 100% unconditional infant mortality rate is making me lose it
caveman sitting up late every night in his workshop trying to find a way to stop children from being eaten alive by wolves before inventing “The Milf”
ALT
ALT
ALT
